There’s this girl that I like, and I she used to like me, but then she didn’t, and now maybe she does again. We’ll she seems really great, and always said she liked me, but I’m a really screwed up guy, so this surprises me A LOT!

We are different. She’s an extrovert, I’m an introvert. She loves people and talking, me, not so much. I like to read, she doesn’t. I’m shy, she’s outgoing. I’m a nerd, she’s not.

Can this work? Any married folks have input on this? How different can you be and still make it work? What differences are deal breakers? What are the necessary ingredients for a good marriage?

“WHOA, marriage? You just met the girl!”
OK, I know. I’m evaluating her for marriage. If it won’t work, it’s not worth pursuing. Is this the wrong attitude?


9 Responses to “GIRLS ARE TROUBLE”

  1. 1 dewde

    I’m an extrovert. My wife is an introvert. We just celebrated our first decade of marriage. In many ways we compliment each other and make up for each others deficiencies. She calms me down and gives me pause when I need it but am too bind to see. I help bring her out of her shell and experience things she wouldn’t otherwise.

    The important thing is we realize this and thank each other for it often.

    Yes, it can work. Yes, it will have it’s complications, too. But if both of you feel deeply compelled to serve each other, more than yourselves, out of reverence for what God desires in your marriage, it will be one of the most rewarding life experiences that exists. It is soul-satisfying.


  2. 2 jessephillips

    Thank you Dewde.

    Things seem to be moving forward with her.

  3. 3 Paulg

    Hey bud!…can differences work? Yeah, absolutely, as Dewde said the difficulty you have in social situations etc. can be overcome through her. Likewise, some of the her differences, she can find support with you. As far as evaluating her for marriage, I totally encourage using all of the wisdom you can, but keep in mind you, you can’t know what your life is going to be like in 5, 10, 20, or 50 years. In fact, you can’t even know what next years going to bring. So, keep a balanced view in this evaluation process.

    Another idea which helps me a lot is the parable Jesus told of the father with two sons. The father asked his sons to clean the backyard, one said, “Of course I’ll clean the yard for you.” But he lied and didn’t do anything. The other son said “Yeah, right, I’m not cleaning the stupid backyard.” But later felt remorse and did what his father said. For me, I use this parable to remind myself that theory and words don’t mean as much as practical life. In your situation, you might be able to logically say why it won’t work, but how does it actually play out in real life? You mention your differences, do they prevent you from having fun together, from taking an interest each other, from laughing together? My wife and I are different in a lot of categories you could make up, but as we have gotten closer, our lives have begun to move together. That is, our individual life has begun to move towards one communal life, so the differences aren’t as stark as they once work.

    Bottom Line: Every decision has a consequence. If she loves God and is ready for commitment, then it’s likely your choice. As Jesus told us, if you put your hand to the plow and look back, you’re not worthy. This is an intensely relational/marital passage, if you decide to choose her, then whatever comes you have to continually choose her again. Life’s uncertain, your commitment can’t be!

  4. I also just celebrated a 10 year anniversary (check my blog). My wife and I are pretty similar. That has its benefits and drawbacks.

    The truth is that you spend your dating life finding out how you are similar, then you spend your married life discovering how you are different. That’s oversimplifying it, but you get the idea.

  5. I don’t have much insight on this topic. I do know that you and I are somewhat alike. I am quite analytical and I am definitely an introvert in certain environments. I’m a book/computer fanatic as well.

    I recently entered into an awesome relationship with this young lady a few months ago (well, I knew her for 2 years prior to) and she is phenomenal. I think we’re set for marriage in a few years. But what’s interesting is that I am a big computer geek while she is still learning her way through Facebook (lol). We don’t mesh in every area, but we make the effort to highlight and celebrate the areas that we do.

    I personally think that it takes two people who are willing to work together to understand each other’s differences and celebrate the things they share in common. As long as Christ is the heartbeat, I believe any two people can work out the kinks… unless you’re just totally not interested or compatible with each other.

    T H I N K | C H A N G E

  6. 6 Meg

    sometimes you have to leap…

    I believe that opposites can balance and compliment each other beautifully. And I’m guessing there are similarities or you wouldn’t be attracted to her in the first place. I am with a guy who is crazy to my calm…who is daring to my caution…who is a crunchy peanut butter fan to my creamy…but we share our faith in God…our love for God…and our love for each other. I ground him…he frees me…it will work if there are three of you in the relationship…love God…then love each other…then love yourselves.

    Good luck,

  7. Jesse,

    Marriage is hard. It is sacrifice. It is service. The Bible doesn’t speak much to how to find Ms. Right but it spends alot of time talking about how to be who God wants YOU to be (mr. right). Look at the story of Hosea and the story of Jesus. Hosea’s wife treated him like S**T but he continually pursued her even bought her out of slavery to be a husband to her. This parallels God’s relationship with Israel and with us today. In the NT we are told to love our wives like Christ loves the church. People get hung up on the other parts of this passage, but remember Jesus died for us, even though we treat him like crap. Thats the kind of committment you have to be prepared for. If you can substitute love for jesse in 1 cor 13 thats the what you have to strive for. All the other stuff will fade. People changed, circumstances change, attitudes change, taste in peanut butters change. Don’t look for someone to complete you, be complete. Then a complete lady. Do life together. Good and bad love her.


  8. or you can do what slick rick said and “treat her like a prostitute, don’t treat no girly well until you know she is true”

  9. Your differences sound the same as those I have with my wife. We are 2 years in and have a great and growing relationship, with lots of hard work of course. We have so many differences, but our differences strengthen each other. She makes up for the areas that I lack and vice versa. Song of Solomon 8:4 says to “not awake love until it is ready.” So continue to have a friendship/relationship with this girl and when it comes to marriage I believe it will just flow in that direction if it’s meant to be, and it will just FEEL RIGHT. But if she is playing games, flip-floping with her feelings, be careful; it could be a sign of things to come. I have had an experience with a girl like that. And make sure you have the same beliefs, the Word also says you shouldn’t be “unequally yoked.”

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